Catch-Up

My, where has the time gone. I can't believe it has been two months since I last posted. I'm sitting here at home telling myself that I NEED to work on my dissertation, but yet, I choose to procrastinate once again-instead, I'll give an update on what has taken place in my life in the past couple of weeks.

Christmas break started with some happy news-or so we thought. Luke and I had the opportunity to spend three great days at the Omni resort in Champions Gate. It was wonderful! Our friend hooked us up with the executive suite and really, we were just in heaven. After our first night there, I decided to take a pregnancy test being that Luke and I decided to start trying in October. Well, sure enough it came up positive as did the 100 more tests I took after that. Needless to say, we were excited-especially Luke.

Well, for the next week, I really experienced pregnancy symptoms-fatigue, nauseousness, etc. We decided to let family and close friends know that I was pregnant. A week later, I was rushed to the ER with some heavy bleeding. Four hours later and multiple tests later, I was told that I most likely had a miscarriage. Needless to say, Luke and I were disappointed.

Two days later I had an appointment with my OB-GYN. After having another ultrasound, she immediately said that what she saw was not good and that I would be in surgery the next day. Talk about a time when a flood of emotions went flying through me. She then proceeded to tell me that it looked like I had a molar pregnancy which basically means that two sperm had fertilized one of my eggs. When that happens, basically, a multitude of cells begin to develop within the uterus. At that time, my uterus was huge and she said that it needed to be cleaned out. If left, the cells would continue to develop and would develop outside of my uterus which in turn, could turn into cancer cells. Of course, when I heard cancer, I began becoming a bit scared. So again, she told me that I needed to be in surgery the next day for a D and C procedure-a cleaning out. I guess the good news in all of this is that there was never a fetus within me. What was even more interesting is that even though there was no fetus, the cells were still producing the pregnancy hormone and in turn, these cells still caused me to have all of the normal pregnancy symptoms.

Well, this past Tuesday I had the procedure and the good news is that I actually feel really good. Things went great and now I am just waiting for the report on all the "stuff" that was taken out of me. I have a doctor's appointment again in two weeks where I will in turn, get the report.

As you can see, the past two weeks have been a somewhat emotional roller coaster ride for me, and Luke. In two weeks, here's what what happened:

* Pregnant
* Working through pregnancy symptoms
* ER visit due to bleeding
* Miscarriage
* Molar pregnancy/cancer
* Surgery

The good news is that I have had the opportunity to recover this week-both physically and emotionally and the reality is, I am doing really well. The Lord has placed a peace beyond understanding upon me. Through this entire ordeal I have come to realize that I will not always have all of the answers, but even through confusion, sadness, and disappointment, I have a God that can be trusted. I've also come to realize that I have a God who is faithful and in turn, desires nothing but the best for me. While I may not understand how this can be the "best" for me-I can rest assured that He does and in turn, I can rest knowing that my life is in His hands and safekeeping. God is good, even when I don't understand.

What's even more incredible is that through this entire ordeal, I have developed a much stronger love for my Savior, Jesus Christ. Who knows, maybe this is what He wanted all along-my full love and attention. The truth of the matter is-nothing matters more than Christ.

So, the lesson in all of this-trust God even when you don't understand. Seek Him out and in turn, He will give you a peace that passes all understanding-one that you just won't even understand. One of my favorite scriptures is "Be still and know that I am God." That's what I've been doing this week-being still and knowing that God is God. My prayer is that your love for Christ would grow and if you don't know Christ that you would truly come to know Him-nothing compares to Him-nothing.